***Insert Generic Disclaimer***

Mechanics: Odds and Ends about Language


(Note: All of these topics will be covered more throughout—well, except adverbs. This is just a bit of a language-specific overview.)

A while ago I saw a piece of writing advice concerning adverbs and sex scenes that I didn’t really agree with. The advice was to use as many adverbs as you like, that a sex scene was one place where you don’t need to look for other words or be careful about their use (and no, I don’t think you should never ever use adverbs, but you do want to be careful. Why? Because adverbs are telling, nine times out of ten. Anyway.)

No, you shouldn’t pepper your sex scene liberally with adverbs and pull every purple word you own out of the box. But you may find yourself using adverbs in sex scenes more often than in regular prose, and that’s okay.

There are, quite simply, some words that need modification in a sex scene. When you say the hero pinches or rolls the heroine’s nipples, the reader can be imagining all sorts of things—the kinds of things that may pull them out of the scene—unless you add that “gently”. Or you may need to add “tenderly” to a look or a touch. Someone’s eyes may close involuntarily; someone might suck greedily; or—one of my favorites, I admit—someone might do something desperately.

Not to mention, you may have already used all the straight action verbs you have, and so need to resort to modifying less intense verbs.

You also might find that an adverb fits the rhythm of your scene. Rhythm is very important in sex (heh heh) and so it’s very important when writing a sex scene. I think rhythm is one of those things that can’t really be taught—you pick it up as you go—but to fill that rhythm out, to make your sentences flow, sometimes you need longer words. The point is, use whatever word you need, but don’t feel like you have to modify every noun or verb, because you don’t. You’ll feel when you get it right, if not in the actual writing, than in the editing.

Now. Just as there are specific words for body parts, and hot-button words to evoke reactions, so there are words we use specifically for action. Some of them are on the hot-button list, some aren’t. But one thing you’re doing with those words is capturing a specific mood, whether it’s romantic or passionate (not that you can’t have both together of course) or angry or whatever. For example, if your characters are having a huge argument that explodes into passion—as Gruffydd and Isabelle do in my non-erotic medieval romance Black Dragon—you wouldn’t use words like “eased” or adverbs like “gently”. Instead you have something like this (I’m editing some stuff out so it may read a bit choppy—just focus on the active verbs here [we’re going to look at part of this scene again later]):

But he pulled her closer, making escape from the heat of his skin and the strength of his hands impossible…his mouth fell on hers, devouring her lips as his grip threatened to squeeze the life from her body.
Instantly she was alight with desire, her breath coming in gasps as she clutched him.
His body was hot and slick with sweat and it felt better than anything she had ever experienced as she ran her hands feverishly across the hard muscles of his back and twisted his hair between her fingers.
With a growl, he swung her around and together they tumbled onto the thin straw mat. His hands ran up her legs, pushing the fabric of her dress up to her waist, caressing her thighs and delving into the most secret parts of her body.
She writhed against his questing fingers. She was faint; the air seemed to have left her lungs as she yanked at the cords that held up his clothing. He swatted her clumsy hands out of the way and undid them himself, his lips hot and demanding as he freed his turgid cock and drove it into her without elegance, his hands gripping her hips as if his life depended on keeping her steady for him.
Again and again he pounded into her while his fingers dug into her skin and her legs wrapped around his waist and squeezed. Their eyes locked, held, the anger on their faces turning into feverish need without losing intensity. Again they kissed, their mouths wrestling for dominance.
He bit her throat, her shoulders, holding her in place while she bucked and moaned beneath him. He punished her with his body and she retaliated with hers and he had no idea which of them would win or if there was even victory to be had as they battled with each other, locked together in terrible pleasure on the mat.
He felt her start to lose control, but did not let up his feverish pace. His ears were filled with the roaring of his blood. Dimly he heard her screaming his name, felt the exquisite pain of her fingernails slicing into his back as she arched herself almost off the mat, her body throbbing around his.
And then he exploded, his body shaking with madness and ecstasy and he threw his head back and howled his pain and pleasure into the air, knowing that he was lost.

So, just like in a regular action scene, we’re using very active words: writhed, gripping, roaring, yanked, bucked, punished, battled.

Now let’s look at a romantic scene from the same book (again, edited so we can focus on language):

His tongue was a weapon of pleasure in her mouth as she spread her legs to accommodate him, already desperate to feel their bodies become one. She cradled his body over hers, his lean hips between her thighs. The hair on his legs was both strange and familiar to her, the scent of his skin overwhelming. She could drown in him, sink into him, and she lifted her hips, encouraging him to take her. To make their union complete.
He slid into her, agonizingly slowly so she could feel every inch of him. Her muscles tightened, gripping him, urging him deeper.
He lifted his hands to the sides of her face, gently forcing her to look him in the eyes, forcing her to give him this last piece of herself. She did, and was rewarded with his secrets, with his soul. There would be no more hiding between them, not any more.
The movements of his body grew more urgent. He swelled inside her, stretching her walls, the heat and friction of their bodies together building to heights she’d never experienced before. The play of his muscles beneath her hands was precious, beautiful. The look in his eyes was even more so. She wrapped her legs around his thighs, moving with him, their breaths mingling. His right hand found her left and clasped it, pressing it into the soft whiteness of the bed, their fingers interlocked as their bodies entwined.
He spoke softly, words of love in French and Welsh, his voice adding another layer of sweetness to what was already perfect, and as they moved together and neared the pinnacle of pleasure, he claimed her mouth again in a final searing kiss.
She exploded beneath him, her body arching upwards, her free hand clutching at his back, pulling his hair, her legs squeezing him as she gasped his name, barely hearing hers on his lips as they both burst apart with terrifying, glorious intensity.
He was hers and that was all that mattered now.

Now, that’s not my favorite sex scene I’ve ever written, and it’s not particularly explicit, but do you see the differences? The rhythm itself is different; the second scene uses more flowing sentences, more commas, instead of the breathlessness of the first. And we’re still using some of the same words, but the feeling isn't at all the same. We have Gruffydd “gently forcing” her to look into his eyes. In the first scene he drove himself into her; in this one he slides, slowly. She encourages him; she urges him deeper. They clasp hands. She drowns in him (although be careful of water imagery as it can be very cliché; we’re going to do that later too.)

(There’s another big difference between those two scenes, and it will be the subject of its own post at some point in the next two weeks. Does anyone know what it is? [It's not the POV switch, although we'll do that too.])

So apologies for this post being a little weaker than the others. But I think it’s a good overview, some things to keep in mind as we move on. Rhythm, for example, probably won’t get its own post as it’s both too intrinsic and not complex enough for a long discussion. But now that you have examples in front of you it’s something you can keep in mind and look for in later posts and in your own work.

So that’s your little weekend exercises for those who are playing along. You can do all or none or a combination:

Write two sex scenes using the same basic action words, but varying the rhythm and length of the sentences. See how that changes the mood.

Take one of your current scenes. Combine two sentences into one throughout. Or divide longer sentences. See what that does.

Replace action verbs with basic verbs and adverbs. Is that stronger or weaker?

The Scent of Shadows - Vicki Pettersson "Vicki Pettersson brings fresh ideas, deep psychology and Las Vegas's underbelly...science enforces the magic, there's deep character development, and it all comes together in a ripping yarn...This is one series thriller fans should not miss." Buy

The Scent of Shadows - Vicki Pettersson "Vicki Pettersson brings fresh ideas, deep psychology and Las Vegas's underbelly...science enforces the magic, there's deep character development, and it all comes together in a ripping yarn...This is one series thriller fans should not miss." Buy

Have a lovely day! :-)

Tez Miller

This post from the discussion of The Dark Knight that's currently going on at my favorite noir reading list makes me very happy:

I think that the idea that a super hero story can't be noir simply because it's a super hero story is one of the most intellectually retarded things I've read in a long time. There's enough grief, loss, and ruin in The Dark Knight to give Cornell Woolrich geek-wood, and that's saying something.
--Mark Finn posting on Rara Avis

That's beautiful: "enough... to give Cornell Woolrich geek-wood." Were Mr. Woolrich here today, he'd be writing for DC Comics and loving it (the sick bastard.) Thank you Mark Finn!

Tithe: A Modern Faerie Tale
Writer: Holly Black
Genre: YA/Urban Fantasy
Pages: 331

Yes, I'm reading ridiculously fast lately.

The next offering is Holly Black's Tithe, so if you're a fan of faeries, you should check this out. I'm NOT a fan of faeries, and read this solely because I was interested in Black's work. And having already read Melissa Marr's Wicked Lovely and Elizabeth Bear's Blood and Iron, a lot of this book felt very, very familiar to me, even though this book was published first.

Still, I enjoyed it, but mostly for the romantic elements than anything else, though Black does have some lovely bits of prose in her pages.

The premise: Kaye's always seen faeries. Hell, they were her "imaginary" friends when she was a kid. But since then, she's traveled the country with her rock-star mom, and has since grown out of touch with her faerie friends. But when an incident forces her back home to Jersey, she soon learns her friends weren't imaginary at all, and what's more, they need her help. Unfortunately, her help could mean her death.

The full review, with spoilers, is in my LJ. As always, comments and discussion are most welcome.

REVIEW: Holly Black's TITHE

Happy Reading! :)

It's a specific author's birthday today, there's new cover art, and I've been nominated for something...and it's not for the Blogger Who Gobshites the Most ;-) Find out here.

Some highlights.

More more more.
(Just click the link below)

Lions and gorillas and bears, oh my, etc.

[Crossposted to/from my website. If you'd like to comment, you can do so either here or there.]

Storm Front
Writer: Jim Butcher
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Pages: 322

So I finally got around to reading the ever-infamous debut of The Dresden Files. It's a good read, but it didn't grab me, and I think it's more due to fact it's just been built up so much that it was almost impossible for me to really sit down and relax with this sucker. That said, the book (series) is a staple in the urban fantasy genre, and I'm glad I read it. It's worth reading, hyped up or not. :)

The premise: Harry Dresden is a wizard for hire. Only he lives in modern day Chicago, and no one takes him seriously. The ones who do are either crazy or simply don't trust him, even when they need his help. And he gets more than he can chew when the police call him in on a double-homicide, one committed with black magic. It wouldn't be so bad, if everyone around him didn't think he was the killer.

The full review, with spoilers, can be found in my LJ. As always, comments and discussion are most welcome.

REVIEW: Jim Butcher's STORM FRONT

Happy Reading! :)

Originally published at Insert Witty Title Here. You can comment here or there.

Okay, serious message. If you pre-ordered HOTTER THAN HELL from either Amazon or B&N.com, it’s urgent that you check to see which ISBN you ordered. There was a second ISBN listed by mistake.

If you ordered the version with the following ISBN, you’re fine. Note: This version shows the cover, has the steeper discount, and says that it will ship starting on July 29.

# Paperback: 304 pages
# Publisher: Kensington (July 29, 2008)
# Language: English
# ISBN-10: 0821781049
# ISBN-13: 978-0821781043

HOWEVER, if you ordered the version with this different ISBN, Amazon is going to cancel this order. Note: This version does not show a cover, and the ship date is listed as some time in August.

# Paperback: 304 pages
# Publisher: Kensington Publishing Corporation (August 2008)
# Language: English
# ISBN-10: 0758281048 <---- THIS IS THE 10-DIGIT ISBN THAT WILL BE CANCELED
# ISBN-13: 978-0758281043 <---- THIS IS THE 13- DIGIT ISBN THAT WILL BE CANCELED

If you ordered this second ISBN, PLEASE CANCEL THIS ORDER and instead pre-order the other ISBN.

I am SO sorry about this snafu, folks.

I've been working out the scenes for Book 4 in which Harper deals with her mother (the horrid) and takes a look at her old home town. Which has changed a bit since I last spent any time out there. Potential for Mary Sueism here, since I also grew up in LA County in a middle class suburb (though one far smaller, more liberal, and a lot farther east.) Luckily, GoogleMap came to my rescue with the jolly satellite feature so I could jog my memory and not write about my own home town because my mind went totally blank on anyplace in So Cal that wasn't either Long Beach or Claremont.

Harper's from Glendale and if you're from Glendale you know how much it's not like either Long Beach or Claremont. Of course, when you read the book, you'll also know just how much I'm faking it... (or am I?)

And oh yeah: My copies of the UK edition arrived today. It's more purple than the test version--which was a dark indigo primarily--and the detail print is a sort of hot pink that is quite a bit more legible than the pic below, which isn't a perfect reproduction of the actual print. And there is no sneakily encroaching Chrysler Building having a bicoastal affair with the Space Needle anymore. The other rather interesting thing is that this cover uses an actual view rather than a composite. If you get up on the southeast slope of Queen Anne hill, about where Kerry Park is, and look down to the southeast, you'll see exactly what Harper is standing in front of. The distance is a little off--Kerry's not that close to the needle--but the view is terrific.

Now the only remaining big challenge is to get the artists to keep her finger off the trigger....

Originally published at Dark Territory. You can comment here or there.

In case you missed the fabulousity the first time around:

July 25-27
Tulsa, OK
Conestoga: Fangs, Fur & Fey mini-con
Like the brilliant mind that I am, I lost my e-schedule, but I do know that I will be at the author speed date, doing several panels in the context of the mini-con, and milling around the rest of the time, eager to be talked to, plied with drinks and regaled with pitches for your 247,000 word religious allegorical fantasy about George Bush and Abe Lincoln fighting an invasion of atheist gelatin-based life forms.

But wait! There’s more!

July something to August 2 (I know, organized, aren’t I?)
San Francisco, CA
RWA Nationals
I’ll be doing the St. Martin’s signing on Saturday as well as buzzing around like the busy little social bee I am. Except when I’m out seeing Alcatraz or eating burritos, in which case, I will wish to be left the hell alone. Unless you want to pay for my burrito.

—

Call for guest blogs:

As you know (and if you don’t, consider this fair warning) Pure Blood drops August 26th and I would like it to kick even more ass in sales than Night Life did, so I’m official open to guest blogging during the week leading up to and after release. I did ten guest blogs total last time, and that nearly made me ram a pencil into my eye socket, so this time I’m going to keep it to five spots. I’ll do Q&A or blog about a topic of my choice. I reserve the right to decline your offer if only your dog, your mom and your Cousin Jeb who’s a little slow and likes to eat the wallpaper read your blog. This is a largely mercenary action designed to generate buzz for Pure Blood as well as inform and entertain.

Those interested in having a guest blogger can reach me at caitlinkittredge [at] gmail [dot] com.

—

My parents are here to take care of the cats while I’m off traveling, and I’m not ashamed to say I got fuck-all done yesterday and probably will get roughly the same amount of Not a Damn Thing done today. It’s not their fault–in fact, my mother ordered me to go write. (Ah, Mom, without you instilling that Yankee work ethic, where would I be?) I’m always scattered and worthless to work on projects the day before a trip, although after a shopping trip, I’m the proud owner of a rolling carryon suitcase with silver casing and a million pockets straight from THE FUTURE.

The packing list for any given trip of mine usually goes thusly:

-Shirt with skulls on it
-Black Chucks (in case of imminent doom, put on Converse and save world)(Survival as taught by Doctor Who)
-Hideous raggedy jeans for after-hours drinking
-Slightly less hideous jeans for convention-going
-Tank tops
-Plaid pajamas. Don’t ask me why all of my pajamas are plaid. It just happened. I’m not even Scottish.
-Pencil skirt and jacket that allows me to play pretend adult for a few hours at RWA
-Promotional stickers for books
-Makeup. Unlike clothing, I’ve never needed much in the way of cosmetics. Two colors of shadow–day and night–and two colors of lipstick–pink and HOLY JESUS THAT’S PINK AUGH MY EYES, plus the basics of foundation and blush work just fine.
-Fancy pens
-Books
-Laptop, charger, earbuds, Blackberry, digital camera
-Xanax
-Gucci pumps. For kicking the peasants.

Off to pack.

I haven't been posting a lot, because I'm one of the judges for the young people's National Book Award this year, which means I have been reading several books a day, every day. It's been a lot of fun to have a reason to just read for hours and hours (and hours), but it has kept me from updating LJ.

But this past weekend, at ReaderCon, a discussion was had where we tried to identify the narrative function of werewolves and I thought maybe this would make you guys laugh.

We decided that the Narrative Function of the Werewolf is:

1. To have weird pack dynamics (sometimes really weird)
2. To be a metaphor for suppressed rage
3. To die and turn back into someone unexpected
4. To ravage the countryside
5. To lose in a love triangle with a vampire (why do they always lose? why?)

Got any more? How about the narrative function of the vampire?

You'd think I would have taken pictures yesterday -- even with my cell phone -- but I was so befuddled by the massive, churning, heaving crowds that I totally forgot about that. All those people! It's much worse than last year, and not as well organized. Today, however, is another day! Here's the panel I'm on:

1:45-2:45 Marvel: X-Men— The X-Men have a new home and a new direction in Manifest Destiny. Join this star-studded, must-attend panel with the writers of the X-Verse, including Ed Brubaker (Uncanny X-Men), Matt Fraction (Uncanny X-Men), Chris Yost (X-Force), Craig Kyle (X-Force), C.B. Cebulski (X-Men: Manifest Destiny), Daniel Way (Deadpool), Marjorie Liu (NYX), Axel Alonso (X-Men group editor), Nick Lowe (X-Men editor, and more as they lay out the plans for this bold new direction! Room 6B

Also, cool stuff going on tonight. Not going to talk about it, though, until I get the pictures. Stay tuned for more!

Okay, guys, I don't very often ask you for things, but I'm asking for it this time.

I would like to push GALE FORCE to a new level, and the only way to do that is to make a big number of sales in the first week of release.

So -- I'm asking you that if you plan to buy GALE FORCE, please make an effort to buy it between now (if it's out early in your area) and Saturday, August 9.

If you want a good reason to go buy it, besides the awesomely awesome cover art, here are a few early reviews:

"Rarely has one heroine been through so much turmoil, but the hits just keep on coming! Caine's Weather Warden series has combined war, love, death, rebirth and emancipation into a uniquely compelling alternate world that gets better with each installment. This is easily one of the most spellbinding series by one of the most talented authors on the scene today. A must buy!" -- ****1/2 RT Booklovers

"This is the seventh installment in the Weather Warden series and it’s as captivating as the previous books. Joanne’s life is forever changing as she continues to grow with new power, and her relationship with David has taken an unexpected turn. Ms. Caine is a top-notch writer and her skill in weaving a mesmerizing tale is easily seen. Her characters are wonderfully dimensional, and the world they live in is solid and believable. The chemistry between these strong characters always sizzles, and Gale Force stands out with their deep and fluctuating emotions. This is one that fans won’t want to miss, and I’d strongly suggest that anyone new to the series read each book in order." -- Darque Reviews

"The latest Weather Warden romantic fantasy is a wonderful tale as the happiness of getting married is trampled by the Sentinel genocidal movement and to a lesser degree the obvious racism of the lead couple’s respective species. The story line is fast-paced as the Sentinel horde knows fundamentally they can succeed in their lethal ethnic cleansing if they kill Joanne. Fans of the series will appreciate this one sitter while newcomers will be in back list frenzy mode as Rachel Caine provides an entertaining yet deep relevant (in today’s world) entry in a strong saga." -- Harriet Klausner

"GALE FORCE is an absolutely readalicious delight! Everything about the WEATHER WARDEN series is phenomenal, but GALE FORCE, so far, is my favorite. Joanne kicks major butt in this installment, while at the same time trying to figure out how to make a possible marriage work between herself and David. There was so much action, drama and romance packed into this story, I was completely captivated from beginning to end." -- Dark Angel Reviews

I certify that none of these reviews was sock-puppeted by me, and I don't think my mom knows how to turn on a computer, so we're covered there, too.

WHAT TO DO FOR YOUR REWARD: If you go out and buy the book during the first week of release, scan your sales receipt (showing the date of purchase) and email it to me at rachelcainecontests@gmail.com, with a subject line of I BOUGHT EARLY!. I'll randomly choose five early purchase winners to receive this cool Warden-style necklace:



It's made of surgical steel, so if you ever find yourself needing to perform emergency life-saving surgery in the middle of the jungle, just sharpen that puppy up, and you're all set. Hey, maybe you won't, but Joanne probably would, right?

Cheers and heartfelt thanks,

Rachel

This meme thing sounds a lot like him.

Also, I think I've become addicted to Project Runway. Yikes!

Your result for What Mage Are You?...

Sage

"Time is on our side."

Take What Mage Are You? at HelloQuizzy

More new cover art here

It's a specific author's birthday today, and some new cover art leads me to question why a particular body part is the focus. Find out here.

 

I just received cover flats, and will probably give a couple of those away next week. And I have to say that in person, they look amazing! So vibrant, and very eye-catching!

Thursday Thirteen. Since I completely changed my To-Be-Read pile a few days ago, it differs more from previous TTs.